Observations of an happy OLD Woman

One of those big birthdays coming up. Not the kind with a zero on the end that signifies the beginning of something. Nope. This one, one that women dread and people joke about, has a "nine" on the end and signifies the end. And I am ready for it. In fact I welcome it. A lot of my girlfriends are freaking out and talking about getting facelifts. Not me. I think turning fifty next year will be liberating. I find myself caring less and less about things I used to care about way tooooo much.


So it's the end of something big (for me anyway). It's the end of worrying about getting pregnant (assuming I ever have sex again or ever want to have sex again). The end of worrying about what anybody "thinks" of me (how liberating for someone like moi, who admits to this fault in all my grown-up-ness). The end of worrying about shaving my legs every day (why bother). The end of worrying about whether my shoes match my bag or whether my carpet matches my drapes (although it does get gray down there too). Whether I have a couple jiggles or a little back fat. Whether I am the hotest babe at Tara or not....

So bring it on! I can take it. I'm going to be a sassy old lady. I'm going to flip off young people and park in handicap spots. I'm going to drive really slow in the fast lane and scrunch down in my seat so I look like a tiny old bitty. I'm going to wear those really huge sunglasses that even protect the sides of my eyeballs and make me look like Mrs. MaGoo. I'm going to wear a plaid hat with a tassle on the top. I'm going to start buying polyester pant suits in bright day-glo colors with coordinating orthopedic shoes. I'm going to buy the biggest purse I can find and carry it with me everywhere, even when I'm in my own house. I'm going to get a cement duck and spend a small fortune in small cement duck outfits for every occasion and season. I'm going to wear support hose. Oh wait! I already wear support hose! I'm going to eat dinner at 4:30 and tuck in every night at 8pm, right after The Lawrence Welk Show. I'm going to download Percy Faith's Greatest Hits and make roadtrip CD's for all my friends. I'm going to love just being my crazy self and people saying "oh, don't mind her, she's that crazy old lady, she should be in a home the poor dear!"

TO WANDA!